About the blog

Hey. I'm new to this whole blogging thing. I don't read blogs and I've never written one.

Ok, how about I tell you about me? Yeah, I'm gonna do that. I'm a little over twenty years old right now. I've dealt with depression since I was thirteen or fourteen. I didn't have any tragic event that sparked the depression, nor have I had a difficult life. My depression is chemical, or at least that's what one doctor has told me. It's just a feeling of hopelessness that follows me around where ever I go. It steals my motivation and ambition. It leaves me feeling like no matter what I achieve in life, no matter who I have around me it will all be meaningless. I've taken many steps to improve my living situation drastically in many different ways, but none of these help. I don't seek attention from others with regards to this. I have only ever discussed this seriously with one person, a girl whom I dated for seven years and loved very deeply. I was depressed before I met her, when I was with her, and still after she is gone. She made me happy at times though.

That's probably enough about me for now. So let's discuss the purpose of this blog.

Every day I think about killing myself. I've never made any attempts at doing so, and only a handful of times have I been seriously close to taking any action. I don't consider myself at risk of doing any harm to myself (and certainly not to others). However, these thoughts remain. I find them comforting. I enjoy plotting the various ways I could off myself, and that's what I'm going to write about. This will be a diary of my suicidal fantasies.